She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
