I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
