We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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