I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
