i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dicks are not precious.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize