those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
