she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
