So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
