If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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