false alarm. still invincible.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
