Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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