He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
