..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
my liver is dry heaving
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
