Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
