I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
