no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
