I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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