You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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