so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
