I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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