I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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