I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
