I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he puts the penis in happiness.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
