I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize