eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
