You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
