We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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