Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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