well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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