we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Everyone says I win the strip club
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
