Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
