im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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