he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
