OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
