He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
