Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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