i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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