Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dignity is for republicans.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How naked do you want me to be?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
