You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
