I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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