What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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