You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
