i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
