I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
