at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
