Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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