We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
