I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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