This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
