i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
