ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
