What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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