Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
