First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
