i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize