Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
