I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A+ Viking dick
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
