this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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