Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
