Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
