Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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