the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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