just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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