My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize