Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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