yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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