Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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