Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sarcasm needs its own font
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
