As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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