i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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