you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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